This particular Wizard worked in a modern factory. He was happy about everything at work, except that some of his co-workers took advantage of his good nature, and would occasionally steal his parking spot.
This continued until the Wizard put up the following sign:
This parking space belongs to the Wizard!
Violators will be TOAD!
A man lay dying and he began to yell out, “I need a priest, I need a priest!”
Another man came along and asked what was wrong.
The dying man said, “I need a priest to give me last rites, I’m dying.”
“There are no priests around here, but maybe I can help.” I’m not a religious person myself, but I have lived next to the Catholic Church my whole life and I hear their ritual all the time. I think that I can say it for you.”
The dying man said, “Thank You.”
So the helpful man leaned close to the dying man and in a soft voice repeated the ritual as he has heard it so many times:
“B-6, N-33, G-52, I-24,
A preacher went to visit an elderly woman from his church who had just had an operation. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed. He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave.
When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.
“Sister Jones,”he said” I’m sorry I ate all of your peanuts.”
She replied “That’s okay pastor, I already sucked all of the chocolate off of them.”
Soon it was 5:30 and dad had the coffee brewing, the boat hooked up and he just finished packing the truck, when he noticed Shawn still wasn’t up. Furious the dad pounded on his son’s bedroom door a second time and yelled, “Jesus rose from the dead and you can’t even get out of bed!”
To which the son replies, “Yeah, but it took Jesus three days!!”