PINBALL WIZARD

I gave up mind-f**king myself this year.

It is part of my intention to love myself more – the unconditional kind of way – like the Universe and how I believe God loves me.

And so . . . the Universe is presenting me with lots of opportunities to confirm that I’m sure about that.  It’s called the Law of Opposites – which I’m now consciously aware of (thank goodness) thanks to my friend and healer extraordinaire Leeza Robertson.

One of the ways I screw myself in the head  is by using my intellect against me!  Because I have the gift of being able to see all sides of an issue and I can do that with relatively no effort, I regularly feel like the little silver ball in a pinball machine, being flipped around from one end of the machine to the other with all the points going DING DING DING – look over here!!!!  Of course the big problem there is that  *** I’m*** the one in control of the paddles!!!!

It’s a cacophony in my head and I tell you it’s one of my biggest challenges so it’s no surprise that now that I’ve sent my intention to move THROUGH it . . . I’m creating situations to do just that!

Here’s an example:

My dryer recently needed repair and the home warranty company sent John out.  He was (is) a VERY nice man who went out of his way to assist me, for which I am VERY grateful!  It turns out I had a substantial repair bill so he had to call the warranty company for authorization.  The warranty company gave me a choice of taking the cash of the cost of the repair (to be used towards my own purchase of a new dryer) or proceeding with the actual repair.

After considering my options briefly while the warranty guy was on hold, I chose to proceed with the repair because frankly, I was going out of town in a few days and didn’t want the hassle or the expense of shopping and arranging for installation of a new unit.

I consented to the repair with the home warranty guy, the home warranty guy authorized John for the repair and the phone call was over.

And then . . .

The pinball machine started in my head!

“Well maybe I should have gotten a new unit.  I could wait till I get back.  I’d have a brand new unit.  But no, I don’t want to bother with it then either.  Way too much hassle. ”

Yada, Yada, Yada  . . . . the little silver ball was racking up points like mad!!!!!

And then . . . the AHA moment kicked in!

I suddenly and DELICIOUSLY realized that . . . .

I could make ANY choice I WANTED!!!!!!

Just because I had the SKILLS to see every side of an issue, and just because it had become a pattern for me originally ingrained by my [always-logical-never-emotional] lawyer-father – did NOT mean I had to always USE the skills for EVERY damn decision!!!!!

I’m telling you that was an ENTIRELY new concept to me!!!

For over 50 years I’ve examined every side of every issue,  to the best of my ability,  like it was a life or death case.  That’s how I was raised.  My father valued ration and logic over just about EVERYTHING.  If I could use a logical, rational argument about almost anything – I not only received my Dad’s praise, but if it was something I physically wanted, I frequently would get it by being logical and rational.

But if I used emotion – AT ALL – or if I was just a kid who “wanted it” for the sake of “wanting it” – then I was pretty much guaranteed a definite NO which was also frequently followed by a “go to your room” or more dire consequences.

AHAAAAAAAAAAA!

Light bulb moment!!!

Guess what???

I just turned 57 years old!!!!  Dad went up with the angels in 2009!!  And I’ve been on my own and out from his roof since I was 17 anyway!!!!

So I can give myself permission to make any damn decision I want!  Rational or NOT!!  Emotional or NOT!

MY choice!!  As long as I can align with it and feel good about it because those are MY values and MY life principles these days!

HOOORAY!

HAPPY DANCE TIME!!!!

See if you can catch yourself the next time you start second guessing yourself.  Pause a minute and determine whether you are just playing out an old pattern.  Ask yourself whether that is serving you well TODAY!

And if the answer is NO . . . . then make a conscious, current decision to build a new pattern that DOES serve you.  Ask the Universe to help you if you want.

And of course . . . .

I’m here for you also!

Here’s to happy, CONSCIOUS, aligned decisions and choices!!!

CHEERS!!!

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