“You are only resentful to the extent you have given away your personal power.”

- Katherine Woodward Thomas

I have been reading (AND doing the exercises in) Katherine Woodward Thomas’ book, Calling In The One” and came across her powerful quote this morning.  It hit me like a ton of bricks because I have been doing a lot of forgiveness work regarding my former marriage – especially since my ex remarried a couple of weeks ago.

His marriage wasn’t a surprise to me – I had been told about it and frankly had expected it.  But when I actually saw the Facebook status change in my newsfeed – well – I was quite surprised at how deeply it hit me.

I’ve taught a lot about forgiveness over the years, and written a lot about it also.  Of course that’s because I’ve also had too-many-to-mention opportunities to practice forgiveness over the years.  And being in my mid-50s now, well that’s been quite a few years already!  (This is one of the great advantages I’m finding during this period of my life – the wisdom that comes from having been around the block a few times already! : )

I spent a good number of years learning how to forgive my parents initially.  One of the most helpful things  I was taught was to recognize and accept that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had.  The truth is – we ALL do the best we can with the tools we have at the time.  And if we have limited tools . . . well . . . sometimes there are consequences that we have to deal with that are part of our life  lessons.

Another forgiveness tool I’ve had great success with is Ho’OPonoPono – a Hawaiian technique brought to the public eye via Joe Vitale’s discovery of  Dr. Hu Lin.  Dr. Lin cured an entire ward of a prison mental hospital using the Ho O Pono Pono process.  Dr. Lin believed that he was responsible for everything and everyone that was around him through the thoughts he created and therefore if he could change his thought process, he could also change the lives and circumstances around him.

So Dr. Lin spent each day in his office with one of the inmates files.  Over and over again, he simply repeated the four phrases:

I am sorry.

I love you.

Please forgive me.

Thank You.

One by one the inmates were cured and eventually they shut down the ward because not only were the current patients cured, but no NEW patients arrived to fill up the beds!

But until today, when I read Katherine’s comment “You are only resentful to the extent you have given away your personal power” I had not consciously realized that I was actually giving away my power by holding on to some resentment about (and therefore not being able to completely forgive)  the dissolution of my marriage.  I was in conflict with one of my own primary beliefs — that I am 100,000% in charge of my life and everything that manifests in it.

And that includes everything about my relationship with my ex.  I was NOT a victim, though I have played the part more than I care to admit.  I was NOT a martyr either, though I played that role also for a time.  And while I was playing those roles – I was giving away my power!  My power to create the life I choose!  My power to create and experience JOY!  My power to manifest my new desires!

When we hold both hands clenched around our resentments – our need to be “right” – we cannot OPEN our hands (or more importantly our HEARTS) to allow in new love, new peace, new joy!

The only way to do open our clenched hands and hearts  is to forgive ourselves!  And as you do, the resentment will dissolve and disappear and your full power will be restored.

You always have the infinite inner power to choose again!

Is today the day YOU will choose to forgive and reclaim YOUR full power?


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  •, Lee Kaplanian


    Awhile ago I came across Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping – not the book my sister suggested by the same name. What I found very very interesting with Colin was the way he looked at it – that two souls had partnered to resolve an issue with love. He tells the story of his sister – it’s on his website radicalforgivenesscom – when she was having problems with her husband. It was amazing to find it was a mirror image of a childhood event that she had not resolved. Just being willing is all it takes.

    I realized not too long ago that I have been giving away my power by always looking for approval outside of myself, asking permission to do something, doubting myself, etc. Jenna Avery had a really good blog post in January about it –
    That really hit home with me because I didn’t really understand it before. She and Misa Hopkins have really good content and have helped me see things I hadn’t known before – now I have found you to add to my list of amazing women.

    Thank You so much for your insights, it has really made a difference.


  • jonathanfigaro

    Great piece. Remember folks, you can never give away your power when you take responsibility for your life. NEVER!

  • Stephanie Rainbow

    Jonathan — thanks for taking the time to read and comment! I TOTALLY agree that when we take FULL responsibility for our lives we can’t give away our power . . .however, I find that being human — I’m not able to do that 100% of the time. Sometimes the ego and/or the subconscious kicks in before I become consciously aware . . . that being said — as soon as I DO become consciously aware — it’s up to me take responsibility AND change my actions accordingly! Blessings to you and thanks again!

  • Stephanie Rainbow

    Lee — Thanks so much for your insights. I really applaud you for looking at this subject with divine conscious awareness! And thank you so much for considering me an “amazing” women! :) God knows that feels GREAT to hear! :) Blessings to you!