As last year was drawing to a close and I was meditating on the coming year — asking Spirit what was most important for me to focus on in the upcoming 12 months - I clearly received the message that this was the time to move deeper into self-love on levels I had not been able to reach previously.
One cannot love ones self, (or any self for that matter) without giving up judgment and to do that, one (me) must learn how to re-train the mind. The best mind-training for me (and a few million others) is A Course In Miracles, which I have been studying off and on for over 25 years.
And so I was particularly delighted with the synchronicity of being led to this weekend’s live workshop on A Course In Miracles led by one of its master teachers, the always illuminating Marianne Williamson.
To put the following into context for those unfamiliar with the Course, the Course is channeled material and is based on a traditional Christian belief system — referring throughout to Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. That said, it is NOT a course in the christian RELIGION. It does not force you, or even encourage you, to believe in the tenets of christianity. However, it does use common christian terms in its teaching.
Here are my take-aways from last night’s opening session:
- Love is to fear, as Light is to darkness
- Thinking without love is an hallucination — only Love can create
- A definition of ego according to ACIM is . . . a fearful thought
- The ego is a choice for guilt
- The Holy Spirit = the Atonement
- We (humans) think we are a sunbeam that can be separate from other sunbeams, but in Truth, of course, we are one with the Sun
- We (humans) also think we are a wave in the sea, that can be separate from all the other waves. The Truth is we are one with the ocean.
- I deflect miracles when I hold attack thoughts (aka judgments) about ANY one, including myself.
- “Do not try to purify yourself (clear the attack thoughts) before coming to me (The Holy Spirit) first, for I (The Holy Spirit) am the purifier.”
- Every thought is either a path to hell or a path to heaven. (Love = Heaven, fear = hell)
- “That which you place on the altar (of Love) is thereby altered.”
- Dear God — I am willing to see this differently. I could choose peace instead of this (chaos). Please help me!
The Course states in its introduction, that there is “no order of difficulty in miracles.” The Course also teaches that a miracle is simply a change in perception — from fear (attack/judgment) to love.
And so Marianne reminded us, that we will make our lives much more peaceful when we remember that there is one who can – and will – always assist us with our problems (judgments, fears, etc.). That “one” is God (in whatever word/s you prefer).
And so my Number One takeaway from last night is to say (and DO) often:
- “OH! God can handle THAT!”
And so it is.
And so it shall be.
Thank you God.
“Today you are You!
That is truer than true.
There is no one alive
Who is Youer than You.”
~ Dr. Seuss
This is Nathaniel, the first albino peacock I have ever seen! Isn’t he FABULOUS? He lives at the Qolas Sanctuary in England. I’d like to thank my friend, client and loyal subscriber Sue Dent, for posting the photo on Facebook this week!
Are you awestruck seeing this photo? At first I thought it had been photo-shopped! It had to be a trick! But I asked Sue and she gave me the scoop on this gorgeous bird. Once I discovered he was REAL, I heard Spirit say to me “Now THERE’s this week’s newsletter article!” LOL!
The male peacock is arguably one of the most beautiful creatures on earth! When they strut their stuff – they are beyond gorgeous! You just drop your jaw at Mother Nature sometimes!
But here we have Nathaniel – by all “rights” – an aberration! He’s not “normal” – he doesn’t have all those “normal” shimmering blues and greens that make a peacock a peacock!
And to his peers – he is an outcast!
Have you felt that way before? Because YOU look (or act) different or more “unusual” than YOUR peers? I sure have! In the past (and to be honest sometimes even in the present) I’ve defined myself as an outcast and worse because of my size and shape! Have you? Most women, for sure, (and a whole lot of men I understand) believe there’s SOMETHING wrong with some body part or another!
Heck we all have bad hair days at the very least right?
And what do we do then? We hide the hair under a hat or drown it in products! : ) And when it’s something you can’t hide – like my weight for instance – what do you do then? For years I wouldn’t wear big earrings because I thought plus-size women shouldn’t draw attention to themselves. And then, when I was in my early 30s, I met a woman I quite admired who usually wore THE most awesome earrings! They were always different, usually big and shiny, and mostly dangley! I often complimented her and one day I shared why I was afraid to wear earrings like hers.
She told me something that changed my life in more ways than the obvious! It was so simple and so logical and so honest!
All she said was, “You can’t hide your size Steph. Wear what you want and enjoy it!”
I chose to make a NEW decision about my appearance in that moment. I chose to honor ME instead of worrying about what everyone else might think. I now have a collection of earrings that would rival the number of shoes in Carrie Bradshaw’s closet! And they don’t call me Stephanie RAINBOW for nothing! Most of my clothes are brightly colored and not only make me happy, but I’m frequently told that I light up the room when I arrive because my rainbow wardrobe makes people smile!
It took me a long time, but I finally “got” that there was no point trying to camouflage my size! I’m big! I don’t always like that — but I always AM that — SO THERE!
THAT’s what Nathaniel represents! It’s hard to imagine there could be a more beautiful bird than the “normal” peacock. And then Nathaniel bursts on the scene in all of his pure white glory! He’s absolutely stunning! And it doesn’t look like he’s hiding his special style and flair under a bushel does it?
So today – I urge YOU to strut YOUR stuff proudly!
Whatever it is you think diminishes you about your appearance (or any other part of you inside) – do something daring this week and don’t hide! Most importantly – stop berating yourself for being different! Whether you think you are too fat, too thin, too stupid, too short, too old, too young, too uncoordinated or WHATEVER . . . be assured your Divine Spirit and aura shine just as bright and magnificently as Nathaniel here!
Shine baby shine!
Be the unique bird that you already are!
You are awesome!!!!
Are you treating yourself like royalty?
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably have heard and/or seen plenty of photos and video of the Royal Wedding. I joyfully admit to getting up at 1am here on the West Coast to take in the spectacle of it all! I also admit that I reset the alarm for 2am and caught the extra hour of rest when I realized that the first hour was gonna be BOORRRRIIINNNNGGGG – at least to me! But at 2amPT when the real festivities began I was glued to the set, albeit curled up on my pillows with the Lovely Lola Rainbow snoring blissfully beside me!
Perhaps because I lived just outside of London from 1996 to 2004, and was married to an Englishman for 14 years – the event had a little bit of an increased significance to me. I’ve been to Westminster Abbey and I actually had the privilege of touring inside Buckingham Palace in 1996 when it was briefly opened to special tours to raise funds for the reparation of Windsor Castle (the Queen’s ancestral home just outside London) after a devastating fire there. In fact, I’ve even been to Easter Services at the Chapel at Windsor Castle and saw the Queen, Prince Charles and some of the royal family as they made a special point to greet the crowd upon exiting the service! What fun!!!
And because I am currently a single woman, creating and intending for my next husband-wedding-marriage, I was all the more drawn into the entire ceremony along with the traditional pomp and circumstance! What woman doesn’t want to picture herself as a princess on her wedding day marrying the handsome prince? : )
This morning, as I was sitting in the warm sun, with a gentle breeze, drinking my favorite blend of coffee, I was replaying some of the festivities in my head – well, to be more accurate, in my heart. Energetically, I had a very strong connection to the events. I felt the joy, the love, the tradition, the sense of value and loyalty amongst the family and friends, but also amongst the thousands who thronged the route and celebrated the joyous occasion alongside the participants.
And it made me think about how I could incorporate some of those feelings into MY life – and how that could benefit all of us!
So let me ask you a question that may seem a bit harsh on first reading. Do you treat yourself like a commoner? Of course I am NOT a proponent of the idea of “classes” of people – I believe we are all one, connected to one Universal mind, and all equal in the eyes of a loving God – but stick with me here on the analogy for a minute OK?
Another tidbit I caught that Friday was former royal Chef Darren McGrady on Oprah’s show about the wedding. Chef McGrady is the person who created the recipe for the chocolate biscuit cake that Prince William chose for the wedding. The Chef told a brief story about what happens when the Queen would request ice cream for the young Prince when he used to visit her after school for tea. The procedure is the Queen rings for a Page and requests the ice cream, the Page calls down to the kitchen, the kitchen calls the staff who maintains the crystal to bring a dish, the staff who maintain the linens are contacted to bring a napkin, the staff who maintain the silver bring the silver serving tray, AND THEN the pastry staff finally scoops the ice cream to be delivered up to the Queen and her guests!!!
WOW!!! That’s a lot of hands in the proverbial ice cream isn’t it ??? LOL!
But what really got me thinking about that story was how we treat ourselves more so in our minds, but also in our physical surroundings. Do you feel DESERVING of using the “good” dishes to serve yourself? Are you your own loyal servant – in the best sense of that term – meaning – do you RESPECT yourself to look after yourself and your loved ones with care and a sense of honor and duty? Duty in the sense of a a treasured responsibility – a privilege to serve yourself and your loved ones – not as an “obligation”?
It’s been my experience that most of us, as a general rule, do not recognize ourselves as the Divine Beings that we truly are. Divine as in a special gift to the planet – and in that sense – like royalty – holding a unique and extraordinary place in society. I believe each of us is “royal” in that sense don’t you?
You are exceptional, inimitable, distinctive, irreplaceable and rare! Your contributions , gifts and talents are matchless!!! There is no one like you on this planet, or even in this Universe!!!!
THAT is how we “should” treat ourselves! Yes I used the “S” word – but in this case I think it’s appropriate!
If we think of ourselves in terms of our distinctiveness and our uniqueness, we will have the self-talk and actions that go along with that won’t we? When we BELIEVE those qualities about ourselves then we begin to treat ourselves in a “royal” manner yes? Not like a proverbial commoner!
Be MINDFUL your thoughts and your actions for the next 24 hours! See where you treat yourself like a Prince or Princess or where you fall short. Listen to the mind chatter! If it’s treating you like Cinderella’s wicked step-mother then SNAP OUT OF IT! Remember who you REALLY TRULY are!!!!
Live YOUR life with all of the ESSENCE of the pomp and circumstance of the royal family!
Because you ARE exceptional, inimitable, distinctive and irreplaceable!
How wonderful will our world be when we ALL believe and practice that? Let’s start now!!!
Here’s a toast to you and your Majesty!!!
Recently, I’ve been “called” to the irises and roses blossoming forth in my front garden! They have been like a magnet actually! From nowhere (in this lifetime!), I am suddenly tending to them, pruning them, checking for aphids and providing extra fertilizer. I’ve also been enjoying bringing them indoors to watch even more closely as each bud opens and delight in their fragrance and energy!
I’ve been absolutely in AWE this year of their magnificence!
A few days ago, I sat down to write my weekly newsletter article. It wasn’t flowing very well so I paused and did a brief meditation. It was supposed to be a “quiet mind” meditation — where you leave your mind to go blank . . . .which I did, until the image of one of these roses popped and kept going from bud to full bloom, like a time-lapse photography movie!
I distinctly received the message it was time to go write and I placed my fingers on the keyboard expecting to pop out my newsletter article.
“They” had a different idea apparently!
Here is their message:
We enjoy your enchantment and delight of our opening. We feel the spark of life within, urging us to begin our new journey this year after the long sleep of winter. We welcome the warmth of the sun. We absorb the earth energy of Spring as it transmits its message to us that it is time.
We love that you are now tending to us. We sense the presence of your energetic imprint when you admire us. We sense the tenderness with which you gaze at us and the care you take when cutting our stems. We recognize your appreciation – your valuing us and encouragement to continue our journey because the pruning and the cutting back and the mindfulness with which you tend us is noticed – and not just by us Child — but by Mother Nature herself. There is a palpable sense of admiration and awe when you gaze upon us or our sister flowers, and that is also felt as you commune with the moon and the dawn and the sunsets. There is a two way receivership that occurs – ahh – we sense you did not know that before and we are soooo very pleased to share that new information with you now.
Please tell your human friends that this is true for them as well. For those concerned about the earth and the nature beings, we want you all to know that we do respond to your joy, your awe, you delight, your amazement, your enjoyment. We receive those vibrations with expansiveness. If we were human, we would hold our heads a bit higher, we would shine a bit brighter, we would sparkle a bit longer!
Even when you have brought us inside from the garden, and you are so intently attuned to our unfolding – we connect with you in your unfolding, your Spirit and ours are not dissimilar in our DNA predisposition to continue our journeys of evolvement.
We thank you deeply and sincerely for your recognition and for transcribing this message so that others of your kind may be informed.
I really don’t have much else to say . . . .
except . . . .
WOW! WOW! WOW!
I’ve been studying Katherine Woodward Thomas’ amazing book CALLING IN THE ONE for a couple of months and just had another AHA moment while reading the chapter “On Being A YES to Love”.
For over a year now, I’ve been saying a wanted a new romantic relationship – well to be honest — what I was saying was “I WANT A NEW HUSBAND.” I told my closest friends I was NOT interested in “dating”, I just wanted a new husband! In my mind, I figured I could “intend him” ala Law of Attraction and avoid all the troublesome details like meeting him, getting to know him, etc.! As I write this paragraph, I see how funny my thinking was – but I held onto that idea for nearly a year until I began reading Ms. Thomas’ book late last fall.
One of the questions to journal on in this chapter was about risk-taking regarding love. The specific question that “got me” was:
By avoiding doing this, I’m protecting ____________ .
Of course the ego kicked in first trying to insist that I wasn’t avoiding ANYTHING! LOL! Of COURSE I’m avoiding SOMEthing because otherwise I’d have the new husband already!
And then I sat with it . . . and let Spirit speak . . . and I recognized my answer . . .
By avoiding doing this, I’ve been protecting myself from being on an emotional roller coaster – I don’t want my boat rocked!
I have/had a perception that a new relationship – or even the baby steps to put myself in a position to begin one . . . would mean that I have to give up my emotional (relatively peaceful) status quo and I am/was PATENTLY UNWILLING to do so!
Even as I write this, I’m still not 100% convinced that I’m willing – but at least now I’ve uncovered the hidden belief – and that means – I have the opportunity to change it! And you do too! Any time we are able to face our limiting beliefs head on – we have already made the first step towards creating a more empowering belief! YAY!!!
One of the first things I recognized once I’d uncovered this limiting belief, is that it is based ON THE PAST! Most of our limiting beliefs ARE you know! It’s part of the ego’s job to keep us safe and it uses the information from our HISTORY to concoct stories that support its position. In my case (and maybe in yours?) it looked at the turbulence in my marriage, then it went back to the rocky relationships before that and it concluded that anything in my future would HAVE TO HAVE THE SAME RESULTS!!!!
RUBBISH!!! POPPYCOCK!!! LIES I TELL YOU!!! LIES!!!!!!
My Divine Spirit knows that my past does NOT have to negatively impact my future. In fact, my Divine Spirit and the Law of Attraction know that all throughout my past history I was actually sending “rockets of desire” about my ideal relationship and according to Abraham – I have quite a nice little swirling vortex of MAGNIFICENT possibilities well within my reach – RIGHT NOW!!!!
Of course, to manifest that into physical reality, it means I have to give up my story about “how hard” relationships have been for me . . . and “how much work” they are.
Are you telling yourself a similar story? Are you basing it on history? Are you allowing your ego to run the show?
If you answered YES to any of those questions – that’s GREAT! It means you are ready to take a risk – to risk CHANGING YOUR BELIEFS . . . and you know what the BEST NEWS is about that? It means you are also willing to HAVE A DIFFERENT OUTCOME!!!!!
It is only when we change our beliefs that we create different actions and send out the corresponding different vibes that allow our hearts’ desires to be manifested! We have to think different thoughts and take different actions in order to create different results!!!
What does that mean for me?
To be honest . . . I’m not entirely sure yet but I’ll keep you posted!
What I AM sure of though is that I am no longer in the dark about what I’ve been believing about having a new relationship.
I’ve opened the door and I’ve asked Spirit to show me a NEW way.
That’s a pretty cool baby step for all of us.
Are you ready to take a baby step towards YOUR heart’s desires? If I can help, please let me know!
I gave up mind-f**king myself this year.
It is part of my intention to love myself more – the unconditional kind of way – like the Universe and how I believe God loves me.
And so . . . the Universe is presenting me with lots of opportunities to confirm that I’m sure about that. It’s called the Law of Opposites – which I’m now consciously aware of (thank goodness) thanks to my friend and healer extraordinaire Leeza Robertson.
One of the ways I screw myself in the head is by using my intellect against me! Because I have the gift of being able to see all sides of an issue and I can do that with relatively no effort, I regularly feel like the little silver ball in a pinball machine, being flipped around from one end of the machine to the other with all the points going DING DING DING – look over here!!!! Of course the big problem there is that *** I’m*** the one in control of the paddles!!!!
It’s a cacophony in my head and I tell you it’s one of my biggest challenges so it’s no surprise that now that I’ve sent my intention to move THROUGH it . . . I’m creating situations to do just that!
Here’s an example:
My dryer recently needed repair and the home warranty company sent John out. He was (is) a VERY nice man who went out of his way to assist me, for which I am VERY grateful! It turns out I had a substantial repair bill so he had to call the warranty company for authorization. The warranty company gave me a choice of taking the cash of the cost of the repair (to be used towards my own purchase of a new dryer) or proceeding with the actual repair.
After considering my options briefly while the warranty guy was on hold, I chose to proceed with the repair because frankly, I was going out of town in a few days and didn’t want the hassle or the expense of shopping and arranging for installation of a new unit.
I consented to the repair with the home warranty guy, the home warranty guy authorized John for the repair and the phone call was over.
And then . . .
The pinball machine started in my head!
“Well maybe I should have gotten a new unit. I could wait till I get back. I’d have a brand new unit. But no, I don’t want to bother with it then either. Way too much hassle. ”
Yada, Yada, Yada . . . . the little silver ball was racking up points like mad!!!!!
And then . . . the AHA moment kicked in!
I suddenly and DELICIOUSLY realized that . . . .
I could make ANY choice I WANTED!!!!!!
Just because I had the SKILLS to see every side of an issue, and just because it had become a pattern for me originally ingrained by my [always-logical-never-emotional] lawyer-father – did NOT mean I had to always USE the skills for EVERY damn decision!!!!!
I’m telling you that was an ENTIRELY new concept to me!!!
For over 50 years I’ve examined every side of every issue, to the best of my ability, like it was a life or death case. That’s how I was raised. My father valued ration and logic over just about EVERYTHING. If I could use a logical, rational argument about almost anything – I not only received my Dad’s praise, but if it was something I physically wanted, I frequently would get it by being logical and rational.
But if I used emotion – AT ALL – or if I was just a kid who “wanted it” for the sake of “wanting it” – then I was pretty much guaranteed a definite NO which was also frequently followed by a “go to your room” or more dire consequences.
Light bulb moment!!!
I just turned 57 years old!!!! Dad went up with the angels in 2009!! And I’ve been on my own and out from his roof since I was 17 anyway!!!!
So I can give myself permission to make any damn decision I want! Rational or NOT!! Emotional or NOT!
MY choice!! As long as I can align with it and feel good about it because those are MY values and MY life principles these days!
HAPPY DANCE TIME!!!!
See if you can catch yourself the next time you start second guessing yourself. Pause a minute and determine whether you are just playing out an old pattern. Ask yourself whether that is serving you well TODAY!
And if the answer is NO . . . . then make a conscious, current decision to build a new pattern that DOES serve you. Ask the Universe to help you if you want.
And of course . . . .
I’m here for you also!
Here’s to happy, CONSCIOUS, aligned decisions and choices!!!
This morning, when I first began to awaken from a nice deep sleep (which is rare for me) my first thought was just how tired I was! The bed felt quite cozy and I was definitely NOT ready to get up yet!
Then the mind-chatter began along the lines of:
“Well you BETTER get up because you have that HUGE to do list!”
“How are you EVER going to get all the stuff done on that list feeling this way?”
“Come on girl – just get on with it – you’ve done it before – you know how!”
There was another parallel line of chatter that went along THESE lines:
“Well you could just stay in bed and get the rest you seem to need.”
“Some of that stuff isn’t that important anyway – it can wait.”
“Why don’t you do your meditations and prayers and then see how you feel?”
And there we were – another day at the races! EGO & Critical Parent vs. HIGHER SELF, a disconcerting morning ritual I have allowed to become a pattern. A pattern I decided to RELEASE and CHANGE in 2011. Because it is more about self-hate then it is about self-love and frankly – I’m just plain tired of the self-loathing! Finally!!
So then I begun THIS conversation with myself – this time including God, my guides, angels, and The Universe . . .
“How can I make my life easy and joyful?”
“Please show me how to make my life easy and joyful?”
“Thank you for showing me how to allow my life to be easy and joyful.”
WHAT A CONCEPT eh? It IS how our lives are meant to be you know! I choose to believe that and so now I am having the opportunity to discover where my beliefs are in conflict AND to choose again!!
I was planning on staying in bed a bit longer when I heard the Skype chirp from my office computer and realized it was probably my dear friend checking in before she was off to the hospital to pick up her partner from a pretty serious procedure he was having done. So I dis-engaged from the snuggly covers and headed across the hall to my home office and checked in with her.
After she signed off, I heard the mind chatter begin AGAIN!
“Should we go back to bed?”
– YES! YES! YES! a portion of the crowd roared – including the physical me!
“Should we get dressed and begin the day?”
– Mixed reviews to that – some said YES, come on, let’s get on with it – others were more inclined to head back under the covers, and a few offered up various items on my To-Do list for consideration!
That conversation was being held as I stood in front of my dresser/makeup/jewelry cabinet.
I looked down at it and THIS conversation began:
The critical voice started shouting . . . .
“Look at that mess! You’ve been meaning to clear that up for WEEKS now!” Just like the rest of the house – clutter everywhere!”
Another voice said . . .
“But geesh – we’re SOOO tired and there are soooo many other higher priorities.”
And then . . . .
The Still, Small Voice said . . . .
“What if you just put away those few pieces of jewelry there on the top? And maybe just threw away the little bits of trash that are up there? You could do that couldn’t you? Not really THAT much effort is it?”
Ahhhhhhh . . . . . .
I COULD do that!!! That was NOT too much to do!!
But it sure wasn’t on my agenda for the day AT ALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! I “should” be doing this, and that, and this and that . . . .and . . . . .
Oh . . . ok . . . just get back to this little tiny task right here . . . in THIS present moment . . .
Oh . . . yes . . . . OK . . . . .
Of course, in 2-3 minutes I could see the top of the furniture again which, of course, also perked up my outlook and suddenly I noticed I was feeling a bit brighter and had a teensy weensy bit more energy also!
So I decided to get dressed instead of going back to bed. Then the dog wanted to go out front so I took her outside and while she played and took care of HER business . . . I decided to do a bit more weeding of the flower bed, a project I began a week or two ago every time I take Lola out. I had pulled up quite a large stack of weeds by the time Lola was done – and again – suddenly noticed that lovely feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction kicking in — though – weeding had NOT been on my agenda EITHER this morning!
Then, a funny thing happened . . .
I realized . . . that my morning prayers, were being answered!
There I was simply going about the day as it NATURALLY progressed (without me pushing, shoving, resisting or forcing) and it was unfolding quite nicely indeed! I wasn’t struggling to choose whether I should do THIS or THAT . . . I just did what was next and before I consciously realized it, the girl who wanted to stay in under the covers – who had no energy – and who couldn’t figure out what to do – was now dressed, had already accomplished two tasks that lifted her spirits, was given the inspiration for THIS article to write (which became the next task btw) and the day is now off to quite a fine start!!!
Don’t you just love it?????
So next time you notice your internal board room having a . . . shall we say . . . “heated discussion” . . . STOP THE TAPE!
Ask the Universe to be the mediator!
Then go do the very next thing that comes into your mind – no matter how trivial or stupid or “off task” the critical mind part of you thinks it is!
No doubt you too may end up pulling up some “weeds” from your day and feeling pretty good about it!
Maybe you do and maybe you don’t but I do and I’m finally coming clean about some things that have been going on in my life for over two years now. I’ve written to the wonderful subscribers on my mailing list, and I even posted a Facebook note about part of it, but now I feel it is important to get it all completely in the open and my website/blog is about as open as it gets for me.
There’s several reasons why I think it’s important for me and you to “come clean.” One of the biggies is that secrets only end up hurting us. We can never hide from ourselves – try as we might.
No amount of drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, food or whatever will ever entirely obliterate the poisonous voices inside that are all too pleased to tell us what worthless piles of you-know-what we are.
I want to line back up with my divinity. And since I’m always talking and writing and coaching about being your authentic self – I gotta finally own up to this stuff in MY OWN mind and maybe my doing that will help you own up to something in YOUR mind that’s been festering and poisoning YOU!
On the scale of dirty little secrets, it’s not a big deal (like Watergate or something) but on MY PERSONAL scale it’s probably around an 8 and it’s been making me feel “less than” for far too long.
It’s only fair to warn you this post is long. In fact it’s very long. I tried to cut it up into a series of posts, but there just didn’t seem to be any good breaking points. So, I’m gonna take the position that if you are meant to read it in its entirety – you will – and if you aren’t – you won’t! I do feel there is some extremely useful lessons in here though and assure you I would not have posted it if it was only to be self-indulgent. I do hope you will read on and hopefully find the information useful and applicable to you.
Here it is – my dirty little secret:
While keeping up the facade to the outside world that I’m a successful business owner, I’ve actually been partially paralyzed with shame believing that I’ve been a complete failure in my business as a business.
There! I said it out loud! And I’m publishing it! And that is a HUGE step in healing for me!
For the whole story to make sense to you though, I need to jump back to February 2008 when I quit my 30 yr career as a Legal Secretary. I had a dream and I believed in the Law of Attraction. I believed that I could do what I loved – which is being of Divinely Inspired service to you and helping you be less fearful, feel more safe and create and allow more love, light, joy and prosperity into their lives – and, in so doing, the money (to pay my bills) would follow.
I thought I could do it my way, the Law of Attraction way, straight up – with an open heart, with cock-eyed optimism and a Pollyana attitude. I WANTED to believe. It felt right in my very soul. And so I proceeded. I set up a website and waited for people to come. And waited. And waited.
Then I began reading and learning about the “right” way to market an online business according to [well-meaning and financially successful] internet marketers. Almost immediately, without even consciously realizing it – I fell down the proverbial rabbit hole into the land I’ll call “U R WORTHLESS.”
It is not a happy land.
It is not a land of freedom.
It is not a land of hope.
It is not a land of joy.
And it CERTAINLY is not a land of “business success”.
It was, however, a land made out of quicksand. The more I “tried” to get myself out – the deeper I sunk. What was really weird and in a way doubly hard for me, was that from a personal development/spiritual growth perspective – I could actually take a helicopter ride from time to time and look down and observe myself struggling – but yet found myself completely powerless to extricate myself from the quicksand.
However, at the same time, it has been a journey of TREMENDOUS personal growth which included ending my 14 yr marriage, selling a house (in the beginning of the real estate crash), buying my new house, renovating it into a home, the death of my Dad (and subsequent fallout from my text-book dysfunctional step-family), my sister’s breast cancer and challenges with my 23 yr old daughter.
Throughout all of that, and to a certain degree understandably so, my business remained in the proverbial dumpster. I had little or no energy for the majority of 2009 to do anything business-wise and so I didn’t. Which is perfectly OK all things considered, especially in hindsight.
But what wasn’t OK – is that despite all of my best efforts, I was unable to FEEL or BELIEVE that it WAS OK — so that all the while I was dealing with all that “personal growth” I was making myself WRONG, WRONG, WRONG for feeling crappy, crappy, crappy and scared out of my wits!
And here’s where I was really out of alignment because during that same period of time, I was teaching and coaching my clients and friends to be loving and kind to themselves! I kinda knew I was out of alignment – but as I stated before – it was like quicksand and I just couldn’t extricate myself for more than a few hours or a few days at a time, if I was lucky!
In September 2009 I decided to take a new approach business-wise and see about developing a local coaching practice rather than doing business via the internet. Here’s another part of my dirty little secret that I never wanted to admit: The truth about that decision is that I was too afraid to try the internet approach again because I was filled with angst at what I judged was my “failure.”
Good for me however, I arranged to have an office with a local holistic wellness spa (highly recommend Angel Blessings Wellness Spa if you are in Vegas!) while providing administrative support to the spa.
From a personal growth perspective, in hindsight again, that was an excellent decision. I began my way up and out of the Land of Less Than and rediscovered some self-confidence not only in my abilities to BE a full-time intuitive spiritual life coach and teacher, but I also rediscovered the exquisite joy of helping and being of service to those who wanted and needed guidance, focus and direction and support! But, it did NOT fill my appointment book with bushels of paying clients – which was part of MY definition of business “success.” And so again and still, I labeled myself a “failure” at business and continued to carry the shame.
Despite my feelings of failure however, in the Spring of this year (2010), I received a GYNORMOUS validation and confirmation from the Universe, delivered by the mailman one afternoon. I opened an enveloped addressed to me and had one of the happiest but most shocking experiences in my life! The envelope contained a lovely note and a HUGE financial windfall from a completely unexpected and highly unlikely source!
My interpretation of the divine message was LOUD and CLEAR and unmistakable: that my beliefs in forgiveness and unconditional love and in LIVING from my sacred heart place (despite the quote unquote “evidence” to the contrary of my “business failures”) – were SPOT ON and here I manifested sufficient financial resources to continue my journey for a while longer – both personally AND professionally. (I do have to say that I had done quite a bit of spiritual manifestion processes about creating money prior to this event!)
And yet, for another several months, I was still unable to make any significant business progress. I concluded my term with the spa which was the right decision at the right time for me but though I kept saying I wanted to get my new website up and running and take another shot at helping people via the internet – I was not taking the ACTIONS necessary to make that happen. I was deeply ashamed, but I didn’t want to admit that to myself, or to anyone else for that matter.
Finally, near the end of October (2010), I was guided to create a 21 Day Business Action Plan with two express intentions. The first was to physically get my new website UP, running and ANNOUNCED to the world, because frankly, I was sick and tired of making excuses to myself and feeling bad about my lack of action.
The second intention was:
“. . . to bring new energy into my business appearing as clear, precise indicators and signs of the next steps for me to take. I choose to be of service in ways that are joyful to me and beneficial to others. I want to do this work for the love of the work and I am now open to receiving money for joyfully doing work I love. As a conscious, specific, focused practice for the next 21 days, I set my intention for my sacred heart to guide me and lead me and stay fully present with me.”
I’m EXTREMELY proud to report that I kept my commitment to myself and completed the action steps! And immediately I began receiving the clear signs of my next business steps just as I intended! This article is evidence of that!
Another part of my dirty little secret however is this: I hate marketing and promoting myself the way the “experts” and “gurus” suggest! It’s taken me the better part of these past two years to figure out that I just CANNOT do it the way “they” suggest. More importantly, it’s taken me all of this time to make that decision AND give myself permission to let that be OK WITH ME!
I kept believing there was something wrong with me that I could not do a lot of the actions suggestioned by the marketing gurus. I tried changing my perspective, clearing limiting beliefs, energy healing, prayer, meditation and everything but standing on my head! But I could not fit my square peg into their round hole!
Do you know that feeling?
I finally became consciously aware of a life-pattern I have of making myself wrong when I don’t fit into someone’s prescribed way of doing things. It “should” have been blatantly obvious given all the spiritual work I’ve done on my childhood, past lives, etc. not to mention all the years of therapy! LOL!
But here’s another valuable lesson for you!
We can’t “get it” until we “get it!” And that’s EXACTLY as it is meant to be. We learn in our own ways and in our own DIVINE RIGHT TIMING! Despite our egos telling us to the contrary that we “should” have learned it faster, better, weller, sooner!
So my secret is out now.
I have tried to keep up a façade of a financially successful business owner and the truth is I am not currently financially successful in my business.
And yet again, maybe I never will be.
Either way is actually OK with me. Truly!
Because I just know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I just need to keep on keeping on being true to myself! Doing what I believe is the best thing for me at any given moment. Doing what is the MOST LOVING THING for me in the given moment. And a lot of that time – that is NOT going to line up with what the “gurus” may have to say.
But I’m finally at peace with all that. And that’s a BIG LESSON for all of us!
We cannot be at peace with ourselves unless we are fully aligned with what is in OUR OWN hearts. Forcing ourselves to align with someone else’s vision is NEVER going to bring us peace. And when we are not at peace, we cannot manifest money, clients, relationships or much of anything else.
So I WAS aligned with being at peace with myself and that is why I DID manifest the financial resources to keep me going!
But I haven’t been at peace with how to” market” my business until now.
Now, I’ve come up with my own standards and my own “rules” – according to guru Stephanie Rainbow and her Master Teachers aka The Universe/God/Divine Spirit. (If you want to read about what those new rules are . . . here’s THAT blog post )
So here’s the bottom line to help you
1. Don’t keep secrets – especially from yourself. Cop to them as soon as you become consciously aware. You just can’t hide forever and besides – why do you really want to? It’s all a game the ego plays in its effort to keep us safe. But our Higher Selves knows better because it doesn’t care about being safe – because it doesn’t have a language of fear attached to it!
2. Don’t try to fit a square peg into a round hole. It’s fair enough to stretch a little to see whether you can change your beliefs, or see things from a different perspective – but know when to say “enough is enough” . . . .if you have to twist yourself into a pretzel to make it fit – then it’s not for you – whatever “it” is. Listen to and TRUST your Divine Guidance. It may not make sense to the rest of the world, but it doesn’t have to!
3. DO follow your heart. Despite what the gurus say, the media says, your parents say/said etc. You and your God are the ultimate authorities in your life! Period! Stay aligned with that and everything will fall into place with grace and ease.
If YOU are ready to be free and have a “dirty little secret” that you are ready to release publicly — please help yourself and probably someone else also (who has the same or similar secret) by putting it in the comments section below. Or, if you prefer, I invite you to email me private at Steph @ InfiniteInnerPower.com.
Thanks for helping me on my journey by reading this and it is my sincere desire that in some way, I have helped you on yours!
In a recent email newsletter to my subscribers, I told them in order to be more completely aligned with my mission to serve others, that I was revamping my business, especially in the areas of marketing and pricing.
Today, I want all of my readers to have the same information too! What follows is an excerpt from my POSITIVE VIBES newsletter and some further explanation and information so everyone is on the same page and has the same NEW opportunities!
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INSTEAD of listening to marketing gurus that primarily teach (at the end of the day) how to persuade you into buying my services and products, I am returning to my original “stars-in-my-eyes” intention when I began this path nearly 3 years, to FULLY and COMPLETELY (as humanly possible) trust my heart and my intuition (aka Divine Guidance) and follow the principles of the Law of Attraction,
I don’t feel good “persuading” you. I believe in the principle of “attraction rather than promotion.” In other words, I freely put out what I’m about, how I can help you, give you some inspiration, encouragement, help you learn and grow, and then, if you are interested, you exercise your FREE WILL and contact me because you want 1:1 help with YOUR specific, personal issues.
I’m also not about guilt trips and limited time offers for the sake of them. I’ll put out offers from time to time as my Divine Spirit guides me to — and sometimes — they may only be valid for a short time — while that specific energy is present. But I just can’t tell you you have to “buy now” or the offer will be ripped away from you and “gone forever.”
I also don’t want to clutter your Inbox several times a week which seems to be common practice these days. I’ll be publishing inspirational articles, learning tools, and A-HA moments regularly on my website and you have the opportunity to subscribe to those articles either through the RSS Feed or by email so those posts will automatically shoot into your Inbox.
Alternatively, you may choose (which I certainly hope you will! ) to check in regularly (here) on my website and see what’s there that may be useful to you. It’s a great place to stop in when you are having a fearful, anxious, or stressful moment — almost any of the articles will help lift your vibration and of course the Friday Funnies will always give you a giggle!
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As mentioned above, I’ve also completed overhauled my pricing and services. I just can’t see charging you exorbitantly high prices. I’ts not that I don’t believe I’m worth 4 figures per hour, but I’m just not that kind of girl! I don’t buy designer brands when I can find something I like just as much that doesn’t have a designer label and therefore costs substantially less. I like staying in 5 star hotels, but I like it even better when I’m using a special offer, or found a “deal” . . .
So I just can’t justify charging what I perceive as inflated prices even though I know the benefit and transformation you may receive from our sessions may well be priceless!
I therefore invite you to check out my ALL NEW Services Page which I created to make coaching available to EVERYONE who is ready and willing, whether or not your bank account says your able.
As always, if you have any questions or comments — please leave them below or email me at Steph @ InfiniteInnerPower.com !
I soooo love hearing from you and thank you to all of you who have already taken the time to give me your feedback and sooo much encouragement!
“You are only resentful to the extent you have given away your personal power.”
- Katherine Woodward Thomas
I have been reading (AND doing the exercises in) Katherine Woodward Thomas’ book, “Calling In The One” and came across her powerful quote this morning. It hit me like a ton of bricks because I have been doing a lot of forgiveness work regarding my former marriage – especially since my ex remarried a couple of weeks ago.
His marriage wasn’t a surprise to me – I had been told about it and frankly had expected it. But when I actually saw the Facebook status change in my newsfeed – well – I was quite surprised at how deeply it hit me.
I’ve taught a lot about forgiveness over the years, and written a lot about it also. Of course that’s because I’ve also had too-many-to-mention opportunities to practice forgiveness over the years. And being in my mid-50s now, well that’s been quite a few years already! (This is one of the great advantages I’m finding during this period of my life – the wisdom that comes from having been around the block a few times already! : )
I spent a good number of years learning how to forgive my parents initially. One of the most helpful things I was taught was to recognize and accept that my parents did the best they could with the tools they had. The truth is – we ALL do the best we can with the tools we have at the time. And if we have limited tools . . . well . . . sometimes there are consequences that we have to deal with that are part of our life lessons.
Another forgiveness tool I’ve had great success with is Ho’OPonoPono – a Hawaiian technique brought to the public eye via Joe Vitale’s discovery of Dr. Hu Lin. Dr. Lin cured an entire ward of a prison mental hospital using the Ho O Pono Pono process. Dr. Lin believed that he was responsible for everything and everyone that was around him through the thoughts he created and therefore if he could change his thought process, he could also change the lives and circumstances around him.
So Dr. Lin spent each day in his office with one of the inmates files. Over and over again, he simply repeated the four phrases:
I am sorry.
I love you.
Please forgive me.
One by one the inmates were cured and eventually they shut down the ward because not only were the current patients cured, but no NEW patients arrived to fill up the beds!
But until today, when I read Katherine’s comment “You are only resentful to the extent you have given away your personal power” I had not consciously realized that I was actually giving away my power by holding on to some resentment about (and therefore not being able to completely forgive) the dissolution of my marriage. I was in conflict with one of my own primary beliefs — that I am 100,000% in charge of my life and everything that manifests in it.
And that includes everything about my relationship with my ex. I was NOT a victim, though I have played the part more than I care to admit. I was NOT a martyr either, though I played that role also for a time. And while I was playing those roles – I was giving away my power! My power to create the life I choose! My power to create and experience JOY! My power to manifest my new desires!
When we hold both hands clenched around our resentments – our need to be “right” – we cannot OPEN our hands (or more importantly our HEARTS) to allow in new love, new peace, new joy!
The only way to do open our clenched hands and hearts is to forgive ourselves! And as you do, the resentment will dissolve and disappear and your full power will be restored.
You always have the infinite inner power to choose again!
Is today the day YOU will choose to forgive and reclaim YOUR full power?