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June 18, 2011 by  
Filed under General

 

 

I wanted to remind you today about a
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Enjoy!

Rainbow Blessings!

P.S. I RARELY do promotions of this kind because I am all about content and value over hype!  So please know that when I DO share something — it’s because it’s passed my own, personal, rigorous, integrity standards!

P.P.S. PLEASE SHARE this opportunity with your friends, family and colleagues.  Just hit the FACEBOOK, TWITTER and LINKEDIN buttons below or above the post! :)   THANKS!!!

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A Challenging Golf Game

June 17, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

A Challenging Golf Game

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but kept rolling directly toward a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, the water parted and the ball rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

 

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long drive directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball back onto the green.

 

The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and veered toward a nearby tree.  From there, the ball bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly.

 

Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog screamed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

 

Moses turned to Jesus and said:  “I hate playing with your Dad.”

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THE MONKS’ MISTAKE!

June 10, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

 

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him.

He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books and crying. He asks what’s wrong.

“The word is ‘celebrate’,” says the old monk!

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ROAD RAGE

June 3, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

ROAD RAGE

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when young man in his vintage red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.

The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, “I was going to park there!

The man was a real smart aleck and he said, “That’s what you can do when you’re young and bright.”

Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.

The young man ran back to his car and screamed, “What did you do that for?”

She smiled and told him, “That’s what you can do when you’re old and rich!”

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A PRIEST, A PREACHER, A RABBI and a BEAR

May 27, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

Saving a Bear

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn t really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.

 

Seven days later, they re all together to discuss the experience. Father O Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. Wellll, he says, in a fine Irish brouge, Ey wint oot into th wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Catechism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation.

 

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don t sprinkle…WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God s HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God s HOOOOLY word .

 

They both look down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him.

 

The rabbi looks up and says, Oy! You don t know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures!

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NEW WINE FOR SENIORS & SENIORitas

May 20, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

Did you hear about the NEW Wine for Seniors?

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night sleep!

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.

It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as . . .

I just couldn’t help it!!

I  HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!

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THE ATHEIST AND THE SHARK

May 13, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

An atheist is  swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees a  shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, “Oh God! Save me!”

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, “You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?”

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can’t lie the man replies, “Well, that’s true I don’t believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?”

The Lord replies, “As you wish,” and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, “Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive…”

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Your Mother’s Day Inner Power Tip

TODAY’S INNER POWER TIP: If  Mother’s Day stirs up strong “negative” images and emotions for you — please consider this:  even if your relationship with your birth mother wouldn’t make good copy for a classic Hallmark greeting card – you still have the choice to be grateful to her for being the portal through which you entered THIS physical reality, which was your Divine Spirit’s choice and powerful desire.  You can also choose to be grateful for the qualities of strength, courage and perhaps even compassion and forgiveness you have developed via that relationship.  Blessings abound when you change your perspective! (Appreciation to Rev. Michael Beckwith for the “portal” reminder!)

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LITTLE JOHNNY’S COUSINS

May 6, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The 6 year old asks, “You know what? I think it’s about time we started cussing.” The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.” The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, the 6 yr old replies, “Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay there until I let you out!”

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”

“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your big ass it won’t be Cheerios!”

[Thanks to Jerry Banks for this! ]

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ARE YOU TREATING YOURSELF ROYALLY?

May 4, 2011 by  
Filed under AHA Moments, Practical Spirituality

Are you treating yourself like royalty?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you probably have heard and/or seen plenty of photos and video of the Royal Wedding. I joyfully admit to getting up at 1am here on the West Coast to take in the spectacle of it all!  I also admit that I reset the alarm for 2am and caught the extra hour of rest when I realized that the first hour was gonna be BOORRRRIIINNNNGGGG – at least to me!  But at 2amPT when the real festivities began I was glued to the set, albeit curled up on my pillows with the Lovely Lola Rainbow snoring blissfully beside me!

Perhaps because I lived just outside of London from 1996 to 2004, and was married to an Englishman for 14 years – the event had a little bit of an increased significance to me.  I’ve been to Westminster Abbey and I actually had the privilege of touring inside Buckingham Palace in 1996 when it was briefly opened to special tours to raise funds for the reparation of Windsor Castle (the Queen’s ancestral home just outside London) after a devastating fire there.  In fact, I’ve even been to Easter Services at the Chapel at Windsor Castle and saw the Queen, Prince Charles and some of the royal family as they made a special point to greet the crowd upon exiting the service!  What fun!!!

And because I am currently a single woman, creating and intending for my next husband-wedding-marriage, I was all the more drawn into the entire ceremony along with the traditional pomp and circumstance!  What woman doesn’t want to picture herself as a princess on her wedding day marrying the handsome prince?  : )

This morning, as I was sitting in the warm sun, with a gentle breeze, drinking my favorite blend of coffee, I was replaying some of the festivities in my head – well, to be more accurate, in my heart.  Energetically, I had a very strong connection to the events.  I felt the joy, the love, the tradition, the sense of value and loyalty amongst the family and friends, but also amongst the thousands who thronged the route and celebrated the joyous occasion alongside the participants.

And it made me think about how I could incorporate some of those feelings into MY life – and how that could benefit all of us!

So let me ask you a question that may seem a bit harsh on first reading.  Do you treat yourself like a commoner? Of course I am NOT a proponent of the idea of “classes” of people – I believe we are all one, connected to one Universal mind, and all equal in the eyes of a loving God – but stick with me here on the analogy for a minute OK?

Another tidbit I caught that Friday was former royal  Chef Darren McGrady on Oprah’s show about the wedding. Chef McGrady is the person who created the recipe for the chocolate biscuit cake that Prince William chose for the wedding.  The Chef told a brief story about what happens when the Queen would request ice cream for the young Prince when he used to visit her after school for tea.  The procedure is the Queen rings for a Page and requests the ice cream, the Page calls down to the kitchen, the kitchen calls the staff who maintains the crystal to bring a dish, the staff who maintain the linens are contacted to bring a napkin, the staff who maintain the silver bring the silver serving tray,  AND THEN the pastry staff finally scoops the ice cream to be delivered up to the Queen and her guests!!!

WOW!!!  That’s a lot of hands in the proverbial ice cream isn’t it ???  LOL!

But what really got me thinking about that story was how we treat ourselves more so in our minds, but also in our physical surroundings. Do you feel DESERVING of using the “good” dishes to serve yourself?  Are you your own loyal servant – in the best sense of that term – meaning – do you RESPECT yourself to look after yourself and your loved ones with care and a sense of honor and duty?  Duty in the sense of a a treasured responsibility – a privilege to serve yourself and your loved ones – not as an “obligation”?

It’s been my experience that most of us, as a general rule, do not recognize ourselves as the Divine Beings that we truly are. Divine as in a special gift to the planet – and in that sense – like royalty – holding a unique and extraordinary place in society.  I believe each of us is “royal” in that sense don’t you?

You are exceptional, inimitable, distinctive, irreplaceable and rare!  Your contributions , gifts and talents are matchless!!! There is no one like you on this planet, or even in this Universe!!!!

THAT is how we “should” treat ourselves!  Yes I used the “S” word – but in this case I think it’s appropriate!

If we think of ourselves in terms of our distinctiveness and our uniqueness, we will have the self-talk and actions that go along with that won’t we? When we BELIEVE those qualities about ourselves then we begin to treat ourselves in a “royal” manner yes?  Not like a proverbial commoner!

Be MINDFUL your thoughts and your actions for the next 24 hours! See where you treat yourself like a Prince or Princess or where you fall short.  Listen to the mind chatter!  If it’s treating you like Cinderella’s wicked step-mother then SNAP OUT OF IT!  Remember who you REALLY TRULY are!!!!

Live YOUR life with all of the ESSENCE of the pomp and circumstance of the royal family!

Because you ARE exceptional, inimitable, distinctive and irreplaceable!

How wonderful will our world be when we ALL believe and practice that?   Let’s start now!!!

Here’s a toast to you and your Majesty!!!

CHEERS!


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