July 15, 2020 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

(Ed. Note:  I apologize in advance if this offends anyone but I do admit that I love “blue collar comedy”)


You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ‘em.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … when the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” four guys stand up.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … on the opening day of deer season the church is closed.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of”

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … people think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized “Wheeling” washtub.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the collection plates are really hubcaps from a 1956 Chevy pick up truck.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if ... “Thou shall not covet” applies to huntin’ dogs, too.

You know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, Ya hear.”


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March 17, 2020 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick.

“How old is the coffee you have here?” I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter.

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve only been working here two weeks.”

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July 29, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies


Wizard’s Parking

This particular Wizard worked in a modern factory. He was happy about everything at work, except that some of his co-workers took advantage of his good nature, and would occasionally steal his parking spot.

This continued until the Wizard  put up the following  sign:



This parking space belongs to the Wizard!

Violators will be TOAD!

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LAST RITES (not really)

July 22, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

A man lay dying and he began to yell out, “I need a priest, I need a priest!”

Another man came along and asked what was wrong.

The dying man said, “I need a priest to give me last rites, I’m dying.”

“There are no priests around here, but maybe I can help.” I’m not a religious person myself, but I have lived next to the Catholic Church my whole life and I hear their ritual all the time. I think that I can say it for you.”

The dying man said, “Thank You.”

So the helpful man leaned close to the dying man and in a soft voice repeated the ritual as he has heard it so many times:

“B-6, N-33, G-52, I-24,

... BINGO!!!!”

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July 8, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

A preacher went to visit an elderly woman from his church who had just had an operation. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed. He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave.

When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.

“Sister Jones,”he said” I’m sorry I ate all of your peanuts.”

She replied “That’s okay pastor, I already sucked all of the chocolate off of them.”

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TODAY’S INNER POWER TIP: Right this second — are you thinking about what’s WRONG with your life, or being grateful for all the blessings – which btw, include that which you perceive is “wrong”?  There’s never a better time than NOW to make the choice that better creates your peaceful, prosperous and joy-filled future!

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OH! God can handle THAT!

July 2, 2011 by  
Filed under AHA Moments


As last year was drawing to a close and I was meditating on the coming year — asking Spirit what was most important for me to focus on in the upcoming 12 months -  I clearly received the message that this was the time to move deeper into self-love on levels I had not been able to reach previously.

One cannot love ones self, (or any self for that matter) without giving up judgment and to do that, one (me) must learn how to re-train the mind.  The best mind-training for me (and a few million others) is  A Course In Miracles, which I have been studying off and on for over 25 years.

And so I was particularly delighted with the synchronicity of being led to this weekend’s live workshop on A Course In Miracles led by one of its master teachers, the always illuminating Marianne Williamson.

To put the following into context for those unfamiliar with the Course, the Course is channeled material and is based on a traditional Christian belief system — referring throughout to Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit.  That said, it is NOT a course in the christian RELIGION.  It does not force you, or even encourage you, to believe in the tenets of christianity.  However, it does use common christian terms in its teaching.

Here are my take-aways from last night’s opening session:

  • Love is to fear, as Light is to darkness
  • Thinking without love is an hallucination — only Love can create
  • A definition of ego according to ACIM is . . . a fearful thought
  • The ego is a choice for guilt
  • The Holy Spirit = the Atonement
  • We (humans) think we are a sunbeam that can be separate from other sunbeams, but in Truth, of course, we are one with the Sun
  • We (humans) also think we are a wave in the sea, that can be separate from all the other waves.  The Truth is we are one with the ocean.
  • I deflect miracles when I hold attack thoughts (aka judgments) about ANY one, including myself.
  • “Do not try to purify yourself (clear the attack thoughts) before coming to me (The Holy Spirit) first, for I (The Holy Spirit) am the purifier.”
  • Every thought is either a path to hell or a path to heaven.  (Love = Heaven, fear = hell)
  • “That which you place on the altar (of Love) is thereby altered.”
  • Dear God — I am willing to see this differently.  I could choose peace instead of this (chaos).  Please help me!

The Course states in its introduction, that there is “no order of difficulty in miracles.” The Course also teaches that a miracle is simply a change in perception — from fear (attack/judgment) to love.

And so Marianne reminded us, that we will make our lives much more peaceful when we remember that there is one who can – and will – always assist us with our problems (judgments, fears, etc.).  That “one” is God (in whatever word/s you prefer).

And so my Number One takeaway from last night is to say (and DO) often:

  • “OH! God can handle THAT!”


And so it is.

And so it shall be.

Thank you God.

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July 1, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

Teacher: “Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?”
Student: “I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.”

What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting!

What’s red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic pickle!

What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty?
Keep in torch!”

What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of ’76!

What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?

What dance was very popular in 1776?

Teacher: “Who wrote `Oh say, can you see?”‘
Student: “An eye doctor?”

How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!

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June 29, 2011 by  
Filed under Law of Attraction, Practical Spirituality

Do you ever get discouraged because something you really really want hasn’t shown up yet?

If you are human and reasonably honest with yourself, the answer is probably a resounding YES!  In fact, you might even use even stronger words than discouraged!

It’s disappointing to say the least In this age of “Law of Attraction” , fast food and instant messaging when the object of our desires seems to be forever out of our reach.

And so we make a decision that since we can’t SEE evidence of our prize arriving on our doorstep, that nothing is happening and it’s NEVER going to arrive.

And that is simply NOT TRUE!

You see, our souls as integral parts of the Universe, know EXACTLY what needs to happen in order for that “prize” to become something real and tangible that we can touch here in “real” time.   Think of it like a giant cosmic, world-size jigsaw puzzle!   Close your eyes for a moment and imagine all the pieces of the puzzle that have to be put in place before the picture is actually revealed!!

Let’s use the example of someone winning the lottery and for our purposes, we’ll call him Joe.

First, Joe has to make a choice, an actual decision, that he wants to buy a ticket.  Then he has to make a choice WHERE he will buy the ticket.  Then he has to actually go and BUY the ticket.  And while Joe is making those choices and taking those actions, the store where he buys the ticket is also making choices and decisions including choosing to sell lottery tickets and going through the process of being a vendor, etc.  And, at the same time, there are the exact right number of people that walk into the store and buy tickets, before Joe.

Let’s not forget about all the steps that have to be set into place involving the process of actually determining the winning ticket!  Can you see how many steps, decisions and choices – pieces of the puzzle – that have to be aligned before Joe actually finds out he has THE winning ticket and manifests his winnings?

Behind the scenes, the Universe is methodically arranging all of the pieces so that Joe can receive his prize.  And what about the pieces AFTER Joe wins the lottery?  The bank, the stores where he’ll purchase all the “stuff” he’s been dreaming about, etc.

Can you see the ENORMITY of the energy behind Joe becoming  a lottery winner?

It takes a helluva lot of energy to manifest into physical form – and sometimes – arranging all those pieces of the puzzle takes more “time” than we think it “should” and therein lies our disappointment!

Here’s a useful and comforting fact for you: over 90% of physical manifestation happens in the NON-physical BEFORE “the prize” can manifest into physical!   WE CAN’T SEE IT while that’s occurring!!  But just like we can’t see the 90% of the glacier that’s under water, it doesn’t mean that our prize doesn’t exist!

So the next time you feel that since you don’t have evidence of your heart’s desire on your doorstep, it’s just not coming – remember this article!  Don’t lose your focus and don’t let doubt, anger or fear dowse the anticipated joy of the arrival of your prize!


Because another “fact” about how the Law of Attraction works is that how you FEEL has a very direct impact on the “speed” of your manifestation.  Every doubtful, fearful, or angry thought is like you holding up a giant STOP sign to the Universe!  The good news is that on the other hand, every joyful, grateful and excited thought and feeling becomes a “GO, GO, GO” sign to the Universe!

I believe our lives are meant to be filled with joy and all the good things in life!  Use your infinite inner power of FREE WILL to create that in your life this week!

Choose to believe you CAN have it!

It IS yours!

And you DO deserve it!

And so it is.

Rainbow blessings!


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June 26, 2011 by  


TODAY’S INNER POWER TIP: Use logic when your emotions get out of whack!  If you believe in the Law of Attraction even a little bit, then you know that thinking a better feeling thought is far more likely to serve your Highest Good than a fearful one!  Do you want to listen to the voice that says “Yeah, right — like THAT’s ever gonna happen for you“  or do you use your infinite inner power to make the more logical choice “It’s my Father’s good pleasure to give me the Kingdom?”


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