TALKING DOG FOR SALE

April 8, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a  broken-down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale”.  He rings the doorbell, and the owner
appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes round the back and sees a nice-looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?‘ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and tells his story:

‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young…..I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.

‘In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one had figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running… But the jetting-around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings, and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed.  He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the owner says.

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?’
the guy says.

The owner replied, ‘Because he’s a liar.  He never did any of that stuff.”

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THE POPE AND THE LIMO DRIVER

April 1, 2011 by  
Filed under Friday Funnies


The Pope arrives at JFK and he’s met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, “Pope.” After getting all the Pope’s luggage loaded in the limousine—and His Holiness does not travel light—the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. “Hey, Mr. Pope,” says the driver, “why have you not seated yourself in the  limo?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive.” “That is very much against the rules!” protested the driver. “There might be something extra in it for you,” said the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope sat behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to 105 mph. “Please slow down, Mr. Pope,” pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal.

Then they heard the siren. “Oh, my God, now I am surely gonna lose my license,” moaned the driver.

The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio. “I need to talk to the Chief,” he said to the dispatcher.

When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that he’d stopped a limo going a hundred and five. “So bust him,” said the Chief.

“I think the guy’s a big shot,” said the cop. “All the more reason then” replied the Chief.

“No, I mean really a big shot,” said the cop. “What’d ya got there, the Mayor?” “Bigger.” “Governor?” “Bigger than that.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “who is it, then?”

“I don’t know,” said the cop. “But he’s got the Pope driving for him.”

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